Bells

I wake up each day the same way
Tired
I have no motivation outside my keep
But sometimes there is something waiting for me
I want to feel like I used to
But my heart is fried
I can't get my mind back into the way it was
Is that a good thing?
Did I mature?
Maybe I needed to understand
That when I become something I hate
I can't just run to my safe space
It is definitely not healthy
If anything it might kill me faster in the end
I want to be hopeful for the things I want
But I need to know that what I want is going to be established
Feeling that something will come out of nothing
Ash into gold
Bells.