Mental Health: Day One (Hidden)

Monday, September 18, 2017

I wanted to start this to maybe empty my mind more, not only to show that people do suffer from depression and other major mental troubles. I am in that place where I just need to get most things off of my mind. Because right now there is nobody that I feel like I can trust enough to understand my issues. As Someone might say "That sounds emo of you to say." Yeah, you're right, but what if it's actually a problem? I don't really understand people who are not open minded to certain ways the brain can be made into, or the issues that actually happen to cause trauma. I guess that's just not my place. I really don't like to cause conflict, honestly. I just like to be happy and do what's best for me.

I guess that's not good enough. Most of the time I don't feel good enough for anyone or anything. But at some times I feel like the most happiest person ever and I want to get everything done. Because I'll be doned with schools in a couple months and I plan on wokring to save for my car. I just feel alone right now. Yeah, I may have some people to hang out with me but they don't really stop the pain. Numbs it for awhile, gives me time to think on how to help myself. 

      

"Being free but not really"

So far in life, I have found some meaning to the idea of 'being free but not really" I took hold of my life and did what I thought was the right thing to settle the finances. By taking a job at a place I didn't want to go back to. Then in the process of always being constantly stressed and alert. I decided to see if I hold all this up for awhile to make enough money. In my defense, it was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. At most times I would be doing all the jobs at once while everyone decided to goof off. Then one day I got an injury to my foot and I couldn't walk very well. So, I called in two days at Hy-vee and then quit the fast food one immediately the next morning before my shift. I really didn't want to deliver the bad news in person. It was embarrassing, especially having to explain how you hurt yourself. Slipping the shower and grating your foot on the metal drain piece; because the plastic mat was trying to kill you. I don't really understand how it happened but it did and it hurt, badly. This whole time the guy that I thought hurt me so bad was actually trying to save me and I was blind to see that. Then I had to break someone's heart to fix mine. "I expected it." Was a surprising text, because I didn't. But I'm glad I made that choice. Now my life is very slowly falling into place I just have to be patient and try to be more healthy. Most importantly, I have a loving boyfriend that I cherish so much and will try my best to be everything that he needs.