Quest

The hours burn marks into her brain like cigarettes on the skin, she could feel every single second as it goes. 

Burning in her heart

Like a shot of straight patron

Now she is gone

Where did she go?

Oh right, right in her feelings

Fighting and contemplating her moves 

"This really blows."

Faster she wants to feel something other than the norm

Another shot we go.

A burn in the throat

Not wanting to feel cold 

Close the door and talk

Even though speaking is a sin

Words rawer when the chemicals sit

Where has she been?

Passed out on the bedroom floor.

Feeling like something inside has bent.

Almost forgotten

I am so tired of people acting like I can do more than I actually can.

 I am not a superhero.

 I make mistakes and push people away.

 But in those times that doesn't mean give up on me.

 I try so hard to be a good person, the people around me affect that sincerely.

 This is why I am depressed, blame me for being me, but you are the privileged one.

The girl with the Italian accent

  I was in high school at the time, in a writing class that was the first to last step of the course. It was called Creative Writing. There was one more class after this one called Advanced Creative Writing and the class there were so many assignments. One day I started noticing this one girl who sat away from others, even when the tables were placed in a U formation. She'd pull one of the desks away from the rest and sit away from everyone and have some space to plug in her technology. She would always do her work and turn it in. I wasn't one of those people to deliberately watch over someone, I didn't even know her. The one thing I did remember from those two years of classes, is that she never spoke out loud.
  I was working one day at the convenience store and I was having another long day as usual and saw her come in. She was wearing black leggings, a cream tank top, and a light jacket tied around her waist.

me to myself

If I were to be sitting right in front of myself
At a dark brown pine table, in a sturdy wooden chair
She has her hair tied up, with no expression

I would look myself in the face and fold my hands, sighing
Looking down, shaking my head with disappointment
"Why are you so destructive to yourself?"
Her face weary and as she licks her dry lips

Putting out that cigarette. she does.

"I'm looking for answers."

Not the way I want, so she cries.

Anxious and mental

If I breathe weird, am I alright?

Something there and here

Eyes go back

Cure me before the world smashes me

I can't breath

Suffocate

On the floor, I cry

Over breathing, almost see black

Tears like a river down my face

Really like a deathrace, my mind

So much right here, I can't handle

"Are you okay?"

You look pale

Demons running round in my mind

They're trying to kill me

Broke me, cut me, punched me, bullied me with your words.

Manipulation

"They're not gonna stay, you reached a DEAD end"

Find me there, shaking like I froze

I have

Sitting in my sins once again

Why can't I act right?

"Don't hurt me."

Flinch and be scared

Sorry the world hurt me

I sometimes can't fix what they broke darling

Bleeding in my heart

Like someone broke all of me like glass

Nothing happened

Sad and mental

Run away 

find a way

overcome the pain

Can't seem to run away of once made

me whole

Heart broke

"You wanna smoke?"

Send me astray and hear my heartbreak

Not good

Trying to kill the demons instead of myself

Wishing on you I could

Hear me scream and you'll blood will run cold

Only so much I can take

Breaking is constant

Don't leave, because my breath is slower

Time

Running out of

Could you save me from the well

Drowning

in my own tears

Let me tell you my fears

Been running with stitches that have run cold

Hold me

Love me

I'm sorry

Angry and mental

My anger

fire red

you dare to talk

I don't wanna speak

not pretty words I'll say

Spray the unintended words into your head

I don't mean it I swear

But I want silence

Screaming into my hands

Sending waves on both sides of my mind

I'm fine, I'm fine (I can't do this, I can't do this)

what a wonderful lie

Don't you think doll?

Feels like a hangover 

never-ending

I want the sun back

But the ring of my sins in my ears

breaks my soul and burn my tears down my face

I can't stand anything pending

feels like an incompetent race for survival 

one or the other speaks to me

one overpowers the other

calm down or stand ground

fight or flight

mostly fight

I don't mean it 

I promise