"Vacation"

I am in the midst of a pandemic and everything is losing control. In the sense, most of my peers have also lost their sense of empathy. I also have begun some unusual mood swings, becoming more irritable to situations that wouldn't usually impact me. Sometimes what I feel to some people literally go right over their heads. Becoming a blatant problem and causing controversial situations. I honestly am so tired of being the target in any context. I have a friend who sees right through it all. She knows it all some elaborate issue that is brewing. Recently it feels like what I say always comes back to bite me. Nothing can be kept, people who were once trusted are no longer granted that completely anymore. Done nothing but treat me like a piece of trash and toss me aside. For them to literally laugh or simply get mad over the things I do, that I have always done. Some excuse to be mad. Do people like the rise of people getting angry with their ignorance?
  I have been on the run again, trying to find some answers in the things that I have been feeling. How to beat the vicious vices that have could potentially hurt me in the long run. Sometimes I feel like certain parts of my body just want to shut down. The feelings I get in my own body, worry me. I don't have the time or the money to really go get checked for things that don't matter in this pandemic. I honestly feel trapped, not only in my own life. I need the person who has been treating me like a second, but he's my best friend. Being treated like the person who always causes the problem, even though the obvious is right there.
  Given a choice to take a week off from the hell outside, to stay in and stay secluded. Mad? Not at all. I honestly need a break, before I collapse in all contexts.
  Can I just find my peace? The health I desire? Maybe.