This facade

In a world so bold and shining with great things
I am sitting on the ground
Happy people with materialistic ideas
But I don't like to have a lot of things
I see you with your new handbag I hope you can fit everything you love in it
While I sit here on this cold ground empty handed
Nice clothes and enthusiasm
While I'm here holding my legs to my chest wondering why I can fit
Good job and good benefits
Is it really worth the pain and suffering that I go through every day
You seem like your mind never has anything in it
But in mine comes mental illness, I can't contain
Working every day you seem fine
I might have to call it quits

Here I am

Believe in me when I say I am trying
But I was born to be thrown into the fire
To be burnt and to ruin
Without a thought of knowing I would suffer
I didn't know I would hurt so much
To figure just how to live
They say it takes time and not to rush
I am here now trying to figure out what to do
Now I feel stuck in one place
Like my feet are in quicksand
I'm sinking and I don't know how to climb out
I have one who helps me save me from myself
But only I can pull myself out of this hole
The ongoing emotions that never seem to quit
I hate being a bother to everyone I love
Can you see me struggling?
I really don't want to hurt anymore
Can you please help me save me from myself?

Another day

I wonder some days why I am alive?
With no thoughts of suicide
Thoughts of why everything is so bad
A lot of days of just being sad
I can't seem to understand life with its twists and turns
But yet I am still thrown into the fire to burn
So hard to learn when it not given to see
I can't breathe sometimes, my thoughts are so rabid
When I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's like my life is covered by a lid
I am so tired of  being misunderstood in my own space
When everyone seems to act like my life is their race
I can't get space and I can't get time
Because most I am stuck in my own mind
My brain becomes a grenade and my words explode
Not the right words can be spoken and there is so much to unfold
Tell again it's all in my mind and I'll be fine
Hold a rock with meaning and pretend it's healing
Is it all real?
Am I even real?
Where are we in this world?
Why do we struggle so much to get somewhere?
Why is it such a burden to bear?