Blank

Stuck in the same thoughts
Bound and undermined
Time consumed
Moved around
Saw the light
Knew I was doomed
But you know what?
Here's is the reality
Time is pain ridden until healed
Always tell you more
The violence and shots
Blood and the "love"
I can say I am damaged
At my peek, you'll see
What makes me, me
You can't with your eyes closed
A life in a visual behind a screen
Smiling for a picture
Just to be seen a year ago
Wondering "Where'd the time go?"
I don't know
Not letting go
Never
So empty-headed that you can't understand
You're just blank

Hate

I did it again
Messed up myself
Scribbled in a mess
I can't take myself sometimes
But this is it
Put time back into place
Fix my reality
Coming to peace with my mind
Having pain tamed
I got to plan again
Time will fix my wounds
No more rain
Bring the breeze
No more clouds
Just the sun
Hold my hand and love me
Heres the moon
Shine.

Hope for a new day

The days are true as I start again

I am hopeful for a new day

To be refreshed to see another

I found happiness in the dark

Tell me again where to go

For I can make it possible 

I am confident for the breeze

To carry away my pain

I don't want to feel like hell

Trying to make future for myself

You can tell me I am doing wrong

But are you in my shoes?

I feel like there is more

You can force me to more

Not a victim to your claims

Starting again

There is where it ends
Habits die and it is no more
My love and success run on these days
I will run when I am needed
Nothing will stop me
From the world that meets me
From day one
I am stronger than what the world may see
If my father were to see me
He would smile
Sending hugs from the unknown
I don't wish to fail
Being strong is my goal
My true potential awaits

Underground

I can't
 see the end of this tunnel
Dense air where it's hard to breathe

Sometimes thoughts are made into delusions

Then when your anxiety kicks in

The world goes into a place

Where there is nothing but bad news

That shooting

That robbery

That murder

But you know that is not so close 

Sending a prayer to their hearts

Knowing the dread

Sometimes thinking about those people who have left.

Not knowing what these feelings are

Trying to keep up with life and it's trials

Giving myself more hope for the days to come

Becuase I know, I know the time is coming for great things

I get so angry for nothing

I can feel the pain going away

He's by my side

Cleaning up my habits

Finding more things to focus on

Goals to achieve 

Being knocked down is not an option

Face the problems head on

No more hiding 

Seeing something

I walk in the same path
But I don't have any direction
In the time that I walk through this damned Earth
I have to pick up my feet
Or I will be left behind
Because I know how cold this world is
I have lived on it for many years
Happiness simply does not matter if you do not find it
It hurts to do it all alone
In time someone will be sent
To send your conscious to a new realm
Where it can be freed
Where you can be freed from self-destruction
Find a new meaning in the dark
The dark tries to drag you in
And tell you sweet things
But in order to feel
You must feel pain
Or you will die

Tell me again

Tell me again where it began
Trying to figure out who we are again
Stuck in the same pattern that repeats
But I am distracted by my heartbeat
Am I alive if I'm controlled?
Tell me where to start
I'll try again
It's not that I won't, I can
I can go and become another person of a puppet ridden society
Walk, walk, walk
Do this, do that
I've lost my mind
Did you sense that?

Real

I have come from somewhere
Nowhere now
But was something
I had a fun childhood
As an adult, we tend to reflect on childhood days
Now I know what they mean
"Don't grow up too soon."

Even when we think we have everything under control
Always prepare for something else
I miss those days I would look
Look outside those bus windows
Seeing the scenery on the way home
Loud kids, but sometimes I was one of them
The bus driver that was the mayor
Couldn't believe that growing up

I have someone who loves me
A family who is around sometimes
What could a girl want more?
I got my prince charming
Unfortunately, I'm not behind that desk
Teaching about the mind
I don't have to jump immediately
Why can't I take a break?

To my future child

August 4, 2018

Dear my love,

You may not be born yet, or even really thought of right now. But you will soon be the best thing in our lives. Your father and I are going to love you forever and will do anything for you. No matter what, meaning if you're from another family, ours, or who you decide to be. There are things your father and I will enforce and please only know what we want for you is what's best. Things are going to be different for your father and I in the years you grow up; from when were teenagers. Your father and I will do everything we can to make sure you live better than we did when were kids. We had some pretty bad years and that shaped us as people. We absolutely do not want you to grow up with traumatic experiences as we did. We will help you with anything. Please come to us when you have a problem, feel depressed, had a bad day, etc. We are here for you, even though sometimes it may not seem that way, we are always going to be here for you. I am eighteen right now, dear. I will be nineteen in a few weeks, and I am going to be honest; being new to the world is very hard. Money is tight and I am living with a friend and his family. Your father is at home with his parents for he is not old enough to move out yet. Your grandmother and step-grandfather are working to keep the lights on and to feed me as of late. I am not sure if your step-grandfather will be around when you're born, he has been having a lot of health issues as of late. Your grandmother seems to be doing fine but is taking care of him. You have one great-grandmother that is alive right now, most of your great-grandparents have passed, but do not keep them in vain. They would have loved you the same. You have uncles and aunts waiting to meet you on both your father's and I's side of the family. There are so many people that are ready to meet you. The one person I would've loved for you to meet is your grandfather, John, my father. He died when I was nine sweetheart, he was my everything and when I lost him I thought the whole world was against me. Just know if something were to happen to your father or I we would make sure you were in right hands if it came down to it and that you're taken care of. Because one thing you need to learn when you come to understand life is that you need to expect the unexpected. I have run by this for most of my life and I am strong. I have fallen and felt like the world doesn't want me anymore. Your father and I will do everything in our power to make sure you never feel that way. Because we both know the world and how it treats everyone. Right now in our lives, people are dying for no reason, random fires, robberies, etc. The world is basically falling apart. We will do everything to keep you safe. We love you so very much and forever will. No matter how tough times get. You will always be the one that we center our lives around.

Love your mother,
Jewely