Why?

There are some weird thoughts in my head, that everything is not what it seems.
I run my hands over my skin and feel the bone underneath.
My hands to my head feeling down feeling the crease of my skull with my finger tips.
Who am I?
Where am I going with my life?
Why is everything so bad for me right now?
Why was I cursed with horrible anxiety?
Why is my heart always getting toyed with?
Why can't my life be easier?
Why does he keep acting this way?
Why does everyone leave unexpectedly?
Why am I alone again?
Why can't I be social?
Why can't my family leave me alone for once?
Why is there yelling?
Why is there manipulation?
Why is there pain?
Why can't I ever be happy with myself?
Why can't people keep their word?
Where is there so much stress?
Why do I have to do this?
Why is everything going so fast?
Why can't August be here already?
Why won't he give me a chance?
Why can't I find God?
Why can't I see God but feel Him with me?
Why am I so stressed?
Why is my tone so important?
Why do I care so much about what people think of me?
Why do I want to leave?
Why do people think it's okay to feel superior?
Why do these things always happen?
Why?

Unfortunate series of events

I haven't been writing much because honestly, nothing is that important to say.
 I had a stricken mental breakdown last night because of my horrible family member.
 There were things that shouldn't ever be said to a teenage girl with severe anxiety.
 Since then I have been distant and depressed.
 I don't know why or how I deal with the stuff I do.
Surprised I'm still standing, living for that matter.
No, I'm not suicidal.

 My heart is confused and all I can do is try to back off and figure stuff out for myself.
The thing I mostly dislike is that I feel I get led on in different ways and then rejected.
 Is it me?
What's wrong with me?
I am trying to help better my self-image but it's fairly difficult when you don't really have anyone there to get you on that journey.
I miss the old ways my life used to go.
 But I don't want to be a mindless zombie.
 I actually want to be smart and know most things.
It takes just one day, one simple day, of being depressed and then it spreads into an infectious habit for the next month or two.
I am hurting so bad and I don't want to talk about it with anyone.
I am so sick of being lied to, disrespected, manipulated, overpowered, and made to think I am nothing.

I absolutely do not like it when people think they're above me.
You're not above me,
Just because you're more educated than me doesn't mean you're better.
I don't care what your position is or how you're looked at, you treat everyone else the same.

I want to change my life for the better, but how can I?
When the things that are hurting me are permanent.
I had this really good friend that I used to talk to all the time about anything and everything.
I met her at work when I started.
I really enjoyed her company when she was there.
I knew she was having issues in her life and I thought introducing someone to her would make her feel better.
Well, yes and no.
I introduced her to the person and they got to talking quickly and unfortunately made it bad on my part.
"Where did she go?"
"Her boyfriend picked her up."
Nice, I knew I shouldn't have done that.
Now I have no one to talk to.
Eric, the person I used to talk to all the time has his own life and there is no time for me in it anymore.
Then there was another before him, but he looks down at me now and I don't like that.
No, thanks.
Four more miserable months until I'm eighteen and everything will change, hopefully.
I hope and pray something good happens for once.
Because I don't know how much longer I can take of this horrible series of events.
I just need someone to be there for me.
This introvert needs something to look out for her.
Hang out with her so she's not lonely.
Tell her she's not worthless when the world gets her down.
Hug her when she wants to fall to pieces.
Where did everyone go when I needed them the most?